Aminet 21

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Text File | 1997-06-23 | 20.7 KB | 440 lines

"Babies are such a nice way to start people."-Don Herold. "Bother!" said Pooh, as he forgot which Tagline he was going to use. "Great! Now he's as crazy as you are!" "I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed."<Robert Frost> "It's not I who am Crazy...It's I who am MAAAADDD!!!!!!!" "My family says Im a psycopath, but the voices in my head disagree.." "Not a morning person" doesn't even begin to cover it. "Now that I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the truth." "Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the restraints." ***** WARNING! ***** Brain cramp in progress! *Being paranoid doesn't mean they _aren't_ out to get you! *Split personality? Who, us? ...but I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! 5 out of 10 analysts say I'm insane. But that's NOT a majority! 80-hour workweeks make Jack a blubbering psychopath. ?? Fatal Logic Error - Engage Brain and (R)etry A clean desk = compulsive and/or bored. A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind!!!! A clean disk is the sign of a warped drive. A clean mind is the sign of a sick desk. A Clever Tagline Is A Sign Of A Sick Mind A diamond is only a lump of coal that did well under pressure. A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years. A good frame of mind... but no picture. A mind is a terrible thing to...uhhh...I forget... A production of the digitally insane. A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk. A wholesome mind is wasted potential. After you've said goodbye to sanity say hello to a sysop. All Insanity Meter: ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ°° 90% All stressed out and no one to choke! All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. Alt.graphics.gif.naughty.filty.disgusting.wow! Always remember, never forget... Uhh... what was I saying? Alzheimer's advantage #2: Hiding your own Easter eggs Alzheimer's Club: Meet the same new friend every day. ALZHEIMER.COM found . . . Out of . . . something . . . Alzheimers is very ... ah ... umm ... I forget! Am I at Wits End, Or just stuck in my chair? Am I hallucinating or something?? Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care! Am I the only one who has had this thought???? Am I wise, or otherwise? <grin> AMA EXTRA: Brain Tumors can be caused by Achey Breaky Heart Dancing! Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do... And bammmm!, Just when you think you know who you are, you are wrong! And everyone around us appears skewed... And I thought *I* had strange problems! And I thought I was confused when I =didn't= know what was going on... And now, my head will implode. [SCHULMPFH] And, pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of? Another casualty of abnormal sanity! Another casualty of the seduction of insanity. Another day, another million synapses... Any certainty is a delusion. Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. Apathy Error - don't bother pressing any keys. Are strawberries supposed to have grey fur? Are the noises in my head bothering you? Are we all being disintegrated, or is it just me? Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Are you out of my mind? Argue with yourself and LOSE???-- PROBLEM!!. ASCII stupid question...get a stupid ANSI. Ask me about my lobotomy. Attitude adjustments $29.95. Alignment extra. Be a better psychiatrist, world will beat a psychopath to your door. Being multiple means never having to say "Who, me?" Being normal isn't one of my strengths. Brace your self, worse attacks on your reason are coming along. Brain cell currently disengaged ... Brain damage? No thanks, I have some already. Brain Disengaged; Call Back Tomorrow. Brain fried -- Core dumped Brain over-insert coin. BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It BROADCAST MESSAGE AT 4:45pm. Brain going down. IMMEDIATELY. But I'm feeling MUCH better now! But my little voice TOLD me to do it! But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination? Call me crazy! I can live without ICONS! Call me mad, will you? You'll see! You'll *ALL* see!! Can't use Windows, have single tasking brain and fingers. CAUTION! Blown Brain At Work! Claiming mental bankruptcy is always an easy option. Crisis: When your fortune cookie contradicts your horoscope. Danger! **Attention Span Exceeded!** Danger. Serious confusion has arisen. DENIAL: [D]on't [E]ven k[N]ow [I] [A]m [L]ying Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to restart? Did you format your brain this morning by accident? Didja ever stop and think, and forget to start again? Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination? Didn't see it, didn't do it, don't have the t-shirt. DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality. Do not disturb - I'm disturbed enough already dOES PC sTAND FOR pERSONALLY cRAZY -- I'M NOT... Doesn't EVERYBODY wear straightjackets? Don't be so open minded your brains fall out. Don't even bother bringing up reality here..... Don't even TRY to THINK without proper tools. Don't give up your sapience without a fight. Don't let stress kill you off - let someone help! Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone. Don't mind me, I've just lost my mind. Don't trust doctors, they once said you were sane. Drain bamage? No thanks, I already have some. Each of us contains an element of insanity. Egad! I can *feel* my mind boggling... ERROR #34BB: Thought not found: Reformat Brain (Y/N)? Even if you're paranoid maybe they're really after you. Even paranoids have enemies. Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? Ever get the feeling your guardian angel is laughing? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Every mighty oak was once a nut that stood it's ground. Every morning is the dawn of a new error... Every muscle tensed to fence the enemy within. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. EVERYONE is weird. Some of us are proud of it. Everyone's watching YOU now... Excuse me, but did I say that? Doesn't sound like me... Excuse me, I'm just weirded out at the moment. Experiencing synaptical difficulties; Please stand by. Experiencing Synoptical Difficulties, Please Stand By. Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools. For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words Bother me. For some, reality is an illusion. For the non-discriminating, non-judgemental, psychotic, all around For the non-discriminating, non-judgemental, psychotic, all around Nut. God created cats so men could learn to understand women. Gone crazy, be back later, please leave message Gotta' get back to Reality...now where is that stupid Blue Dragon. Great! My rat has been cashing my reality checks again! Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! Has anyone found my marbles? Has anyone seen my sanity? Has anyone seen my sanity? If so, shoot it! HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD! Have you seen my mind? It was wandering again He played a Sanity card! AARRGGH! He's a couple of channels short of Basic Cable! He's a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal! He's a few bits short of a byte. Headaches are all in your mind! Help me quick! Someone must have turned reality back on. HELP ME! MY BRAIN!!! I JUST DROPPED IT! AAARRGGGGHHH! Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you. Help! Help! The paranoids are after me! Here comes Sanity, here comes Sanity, right down therapy lane. Here Strange ain't Strange!!! It Normal!! Hey! This is just like the REAL world! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, it's off to the institution I go! Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense Honk if you love peace and quiet. Hospitality: Making guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. Housework never killed anyone, but why take the chance! How could anything alter reality for $9.95? Humph - seems my memory randomly forgets. Hysteria ... ^%#)%^@{]@!]|%#@+ I am a deeply superficial person. I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders! I am committed--or should be. I am not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. I am NOT a slob! I'm hygenically challenged. I am NOT Paranoid! And why are you always watching me?? I am perfectly sane, and so am I. I am schizophrenic, and so am I. I am tired of reality. I am going to read taglines. I am trying to find myself. Anyone seen me lately? I came, I saw, I got lost .. I'M STILL HERE! HELP! I can do 2 things at once and I'm not confused. I can handle reality in small doses. I can't remember if I used to know that. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. I did not escape!...they gave me a day pass. I didn't lose my mind; it's here somewhere. I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to do I don't *do* dishes, I don't *do* mornings, I don't *do* reality. I don't advocate sex & insanity... but they work for me. I don't care about apathy. I don't need you to depress me, I can do that on my own! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! I don't suffer from insanity. I love it!!! I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard... I doubt, therefore I might be I downloaded my brain. Why are my blanks still disk? I feel it. My mind. It's going. I feel it. I forgot where I left my short term memory! I got it all together, then forgot where I put it. I got lost in thought, it was a very unfamiliar territory... I gotta bad feeling about this... I Had a brain scan the other day, thank god it turned up negative! I had a dislocated funny bone <OUCH> but it's better now. I had a thought, and I lost it.. nothing new. I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it! I have a great memory... it's just a little short. I have a photographic memory, but I've run out of film. I have a photographic memory. What's your name again??? I have a rock garden. Last week, three of them died. I have an open mind: My brains keep falling out! I have dynamic memory, it needs refreshing... I have erased the thin line between genius and insanity.... I have found insanity to be an aid in writing taglines. I have lost my mind, but it must be backed-up somewhere. I have to think twice before I give it a second thought. I have tried relaxing but somehow I just feel better all up-tight. I live in a house, but belong in a HOME. I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome... I Made A Mental Note, But Forgot Where I Put It ... I may be lost, but I'm way ahead of schedule. I may be surrounded by insanity, but I'm not insane! I may look busy,but I'm just confused! I NEVER! exaggerate-I just remember REALLY big!!! I often daydream about my inability to fantasize. I plead not guilty by reason of computer-induced insanity. I plead temporary insanity. I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. I see no humor here, I can only laugh at the thought. I see that you weren't fully debugged before release. I think ... therefore I am obviously overqualified. I think I think, therefore I might be. I think, therefoe I am DANGEROUS. I think, therefore I am..... I think I tried to contain myself, but I escaped I used to be a sci fi fan. Then I started living it. I used to be normal, then I got my computer... I used to be sane, but I got better. I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now. I was moderate once. Now anything goes. I was normal once, but I got better. I was the next door kid's imaginary friend. I wish I was more like I think I am. I wish you humans would leave me alone. I'd get therapy, but insanity is cheaper. And more fun. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one. I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! I'd rather lose my memory than my..ummm...ahhh...never mind. I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats.. I'll be lost in the ozone for a while. I'll panic if I bloody well want to....... I'm a paranoid schizophrenic always out to get myself... I'm a schitzophrenic and so am I!!! I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared. I'm clinging to sanity by a thread. Hand me those scissors. I'm Crazy but not Stupid.. I think.... I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm feeling homicidal--say ANYTHING I'm getting better but I forgot the subject!! I'm going to plead temporary insanity. How about you? I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm heavily armed, easily bored and off my medication. I'm here because I'm not all there. I'm here in reality as an illegal alien. I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid. I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? I'm losing my thought of train.... I'm nervous and my socks are too loose. I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. I'm not a pessimest, just an optimist with a lot of experience. I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed. I'm not crazy, I just don't give a &*$#. I'm not crazy, I'm chlorinated. I'm not crazy. I just have a unique sense of reality. I'm not homo-phobic, I'm homo-cidic.... I'm not hostile! I'll kill the #%! that said that! I'M NOT IN A #@#(*) BAD MOOD YOU #@#@(* @#@*&#(@ I'm not insane...I'm just surreal! :^) I'm not lost - just misguided. I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not nuts, I'm differentially oriented. I'm not panicking. I'm examining all options at high speed. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged". I'm NOT schizo! Oh, yes I AM! I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not! Who are you?I'm not schizophrenic, I'm multifaceted I'm not schizophrenic, my mind multi-tasks. I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! I'm not tense, just terribly alert... I'm only happy when I worry about stuff. I'm so modest I pull the curtains before changing my mind... I'm sorry I've been indulging in creative forgetting. I'm sorry, but my brain has developed a few bad sectors. I'm too simple to have a complex ... So I have a simplex. I'm too skeptical to deny the possibility of anything... I'm totally unprepared for everyday life. I'm weird, but around here it's barely noticable. I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called? I've got to take a break or I'll start talking to myself! I've had just about all I can take of myself. I've visited reality, there were dirty dishes there. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If I look confused, it's because I'm thinking. If it doesn't have garlic or onion, it better be dessert! If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am. If sanity were dollars I'd be bankrupt. If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine? If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound. Insanity -- The ORIGINAL artificial reality. Insanity is a rational reaction to an irrational world. Insanity is doing it again & expecting a different result. Insanity is fun if you do it right. Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids. Insanity is just a state of mind. Insanity runs in my family; it practically gallops. Insanity: Think of it as a survival skill! Insert brain, then type... IrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressIrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressI Is it still paranoia if they ARE ALL out to get me??? Is it weird in here, or is it just me? Is this some conspiracy to make me look paranoid? It is better to build a child than to repair an adult. It's been Monday aaaaaaaaallllllll week! It's not that I *mind* being chained in the basement... Just another withdrawal from the insanity bank .... Just another wrinkle in the fabric of Reality. Just my luck - my psychotic episode is a rerun. Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! Kiss me twice, I'm schizophrenic Last week I even forgot how to ride a bicycle. Life is just a figment of my imagination. Life is what happens while you are making other plans. <J Lennon> Light travels at the speed of thought. Living life on the edge of insanity ... Living life on the edge of insanity.. **NUDGE** Look into his eyes, and see if someone else is driving. Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy. LOVE: A temporary insanity curable by marriage LUNACY my Best personality trait! Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. Many are absent from reality physically and/or mentally. May all your hang-ups be drip-dry. May I call myself bad names and stomp upon ALL my toes! Messy is a matter of perspective! Most people make sense, I'm not one of them. Multitask...Think and type at the same time. Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. My brain hurts...not my head...just my brain! My brain operation was considered minor surgery. My brain's in gear, neutral's a gear ain't it? My brain's not crippled, it's functionally challenged. My head hurts.....where are those plaid pills? My inner child is a sick little bitch! My logic escapes me at the moment My mind has been boggled...again and again..... My photographic memory just ran out of toner. My psychiatrist is Dr. Lecter. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. No Brain, No Pain. No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. Not unlike having your brains lightly whipped into a smooth puree. Now now, we're not schizophrenic, are we? Of course I'm sane. The voices said so. Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again. Oh, hell! My mood ring just exploded! Ok! I'm weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric. OK, I admit it--_I_ was the one who made those crop circles in England OK, I'm confused. More than normal, that is. OK, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? One moment please; we are adjusting the Reality parameters. One more day like today and I'll kill you Ooops. My brain just hit another bad sector. OOPS! I gotta go, here comes my keeper! Out of Mind. Back in 5 Minutes. Oxymoron: balanced insanity Paranoia is heightened awareness. PARANOID - One who is really in touch with reality. Paranoid: someone who just figured out what's going on. Policy does not imply that sanity is a Sysop requirement. Positive thinking: Believe everything positively stinks. Posted by one whose mind isn't twisted, but sprained Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist! Proceed with Caution - Twisted Mind Under Construction! Prozac: Sometimes you feel like a nut - sometimes you don't. Psychiairic: Wherever you go, Your not all there Psychiatry - the care of the Id by the Odd Psychoanalysis is Freudulent. Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Quit bringing up reality... Reality Check: [E\........F] Hmmph! Thought so... Reality failure. Press enter to continuum. Reality? I'll only go as a tourist! Reports of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated. Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Sane? Hell, if I was sane why would I be here? Sanity and insanity are only two letters appart. Sanity Is A State Of Mind And I Moved Out Of State. Sanity is madness put to good use. Sanity is relative ... but not one of mine! Schizophrenia beats dining alone. Searching for light in the darkness of insanity. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember it all! Senility means never having to drink just to forget. Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. Some people aren't equipped to attend a meeting of minds Some people come home to unwind; others come home to unravel. Somebody slapped a "stop payment" on my sanity check! Sometimes I Just Get Brain Farts ... Sorry about the crayon. They won't let me have any sharp objects. Sorry, the brain you have reached is disconnected. Stressed out, and someone to Choke... Can't get any better... Super-sado-masochistic-expialadocious! Sybil was a multi user. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. The more things change, the more they stay insane. The nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind. The paranoids are conspiring against me... The problem with reality is, there is no background music. The refrigerator light DOES go out. Now let me out of here. The semi-conscious mind is a tricky thing. The trouble with 'normal' is that it always gets worse. There's a brain in my tumor. There's always the temptation to let other people think you're normal. There's someone in my mind and it's not me. To be or not to be, that always confused me! Today I am feeling ept, ane and sipid. Um.. I guess it's too late to plead insanity, right? Usually insane - In lucid moments, merely stupid. We had a meeting of the minds, but mine didn't show up. Welcome to insanity, on the right is the Sysops console. What has reality ever done for ME?? When everybody's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking. Whenever they put on the straight jacket, my nose itches. Where are those flashbacks they promised me? Where are we going and why am I in this Handbasket? Who said childbirth stops labor? Why can't life have a Snooze button? Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitoes? Your Honour, I wish to plead permanent insanity.